Angela,

I read this poem today and thought of you.

Last night I watched a show where a young daughter slipped away in her fathers arms, and I could not help but cry while thinking of you.

I think of you daily. I can only hope that in those five minutes that I held you while you were with us, you could feel the lifetime of love your father and I will carry for you. You are a regular part of our conversations. Danny looks just like you sometimes when he is sleeping, so through him I see you. He will know all about you.

God saw you getting tired
and a cure was not to be
and he put his arms around you
and said "Come to Me"
With tearful eyes we watched you
and saw you pass away and
although we love you dearly
we could not make you stay.
A Golden heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest,
God broke our hearts to prove us
he only takes the best.
~Author Unknown

I love you.

Thinking of You with Love
We thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.
We think of you in silence, we often speak your name.
All we have are memories, and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake, with which we will never part.
God has you in His keeping, we have you in our hearts.
A million times we've wanted you.
A million times we've cried.
If love could only have saved you, you never would have died.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
But you didn`t go alone.
For a part of us went with you...the day God called you Home.

~Author Unknown

Dear Angela -

There are just no words to tell you how sad I feel or how much my heart hurts. This week has just been a blur of living in the past and living in today. Everyday, I have woken up and cried. Each night I have gone to bed sad. I think last night was the hardest. Danny was kicking and all over the place. It reminded me of last year on the night of July 15th when you were moving all over. That was the last time I felt you.

Today is our anniversary and tomorrow it will be a year that we said good-bye.

I keep pulling myself together and putting on my smile. I know I have so many blessings in my life. So many things to be thankful for and a healthy pregnancy. But you will always be my first and I miss you.

There are so many people that love you. Family and friends have sent cards and spoken kind words to let us know they are thinking about us, which is a reflection of their love for you. Your Aunt Kristy had a special rose at her wedding with an inscription of your name to let us know you were thought of with love and that you are missed.

I miss you everyday. I know I already said that, but it's all I can think about. I just keep thinking about these days last year and my heart hurts. I remember feeling at times last summer that I thought I might physically have a heart attack. That the pain in my chest was so sharp, the ball in my throat, the difficulty breathing. I would run with your Dad and it physically hurt to breath, but it was all I could do to keep from falling apart. He was so worried. That feeling is back, but I am managing it better. I know how much it hurts your dad to see me sad. And now I worry that my stress will affect your brother so I am sucking it up.

You must be sending him messages to keep me distracted because he is kicking like a maniac all of the time, and nothing makes me smile more. Thank you.

Please help me get through tonight and tomorrow.

I love you

One Month

In one month, it will be a year. A year. I'm not feeling good about the date. If this morning is any indication of how I will feel next month, well, that's not a good thing. The last 11-months have dragged by and flown by in tandem. I'm not sure how I'll be able to wrap my head around this.

Mother's Day was hard. Father's Day was hard. One year...I think my heart might just break all over again.

We are thinkng of something special to do. Something that is good and will help us feel less sad. Something for Angela.

Thank you Angela. I held on to you during our appointment today, and it really helped me. Dr. Muise said he is a perfectly healthy looking boy and that his measurements were right on. We know you had a hand in this.

We love you.

Dear Baby Girl,

I heard our song the other day on my way home from work. It made me smile. And then I felt a bit guilty. We are so excited and nervous for our appointment today. And I don't want you to think for one minute that we don't wish you were here. We do. Or that your brother will replace you, because he won't. We are hoping that he will bring us so much joy and happiness, and make us better people. We also hope that as he learns about you, and our love for you, he will grow to have love and compassion and be a better person for you.

I'm trying to be positive. I was thinking yesterday that God is teaching us about love and that I only wish it didn't hurt so badly. Unfortunately, love isn't always butterflies and rainbows. Sometimes love is the pain your heart feels when you miss someone so much. I think God gave us you to teach us how much love we have.

Please be with us today. I have our special necklace on, so I know you are close to my heart. Help me get over my nerves and bring me some calm. A good appointment would be the best birthday gift for your father we could ask for.

Look over Daniel, we need his big sister to be his special angel.

All Our Love...

Dear Angela -

You have been on my mind all day. From the moment I woke up today, I've been thinking about you. I was looking at your ultrasound picture today. My favorite one that I have framed with the rest of the family pictures, and I was wishing so badly that you were here.

I said to David this morning, how different our lives would be if you were here. And he agreed. We both miss you so much and we talk about you everyday. I know you've been with me lately, because I can feel you.

We are loving you so much....

Jolliffe Rib Cook Out

Last Sunday, at a special request, my sister Lori and brother-in-law John had a rib cook out for David and I. When we were waiting for our amnio results to come back, I said to my sister...

"When we get the good news, you and John need to make your awesome ribs!". (How random is that?) I am not a rib eater by any stretch of the imagination. However, Lori and John make this kick @ss recipe that tastes so good and the ribs just fall off the bone. I like ribs maybe once every three or four years, if that. I think there is something weird about eating meat off a bone. Especially ribs. Very caveman like. Kind of freaky.

Anyhow, there has been a Longhorn (I think) commercial on lately where the guy is eating ribs and the wife says he's manly until some foofy drink is delivered to the table. Ever since then, I had a taste for John's ribs. I don't know how anyone could eat ribs in a restaurant. There is nothing delicate about eating them, no matter how hard you try.

So, the Jolliffe's made the ribs....which my mom drove all the way out to Vermillion to buy. She has a special place she gets them at. Then to top it off, my mom made potato salad and even kept a small bowl of it onion free (I don't like onions). If that's not love, I don't know what is!

With the exception of Chris (in FL) and Tasha (in CA), the whole Sherman clan was there and we had a great time.

Lori also ordered a cake from Giant Eagle (my favorite) that was too cute with pink booties and put a sweet little bear with it. Sarah Sherman wrote a beautiful letter to David and I telling us how excited she is and even gave us our FIRST diaper ... on her.

I've added some pictures below of the cake and the kids. I was a little lazy because I don't have that many pictures, and none of the boys. Leah would not pose for any either :)

Ultrasound Pictures from Week 19

These pictures were taken on June 20th at our first ultrasound appointment. We're having our second ultrasound on July 10th and will hopefully receive some more pictures.


Her Little Footie!



This one is a little freaky. She looks like Skelator!

This one is our favorite and we have it framed!

Another profile...you might not be able to see it,

but it looks like she's sucking her thumb!

Final profile picture...She's a cutie!

21 Weeks Today!

Wow. 21 Weeks :) Holy cow. Last week we crossed the half-way mark, and now only 19-weeks until we meet our little girl. Yesterday we received the final results of the amnio and everything is still great. Our doctor confirmed (again) that we're having a girl. Apparently this comes back in the amnio results too. We have a regular appointment tomorrow with Dr. David. Should be pretty basic and not too exciting.

My belly is definitely growing. As exciting as this is, not fitting in my clothes can be very frustrating and cause for minor emotional meltdowns. I feel like the extra weight is going to my legs and sides and not my belly.

This week she is 10.5 inches and weighs 3/4 of a pound. No fruit comparison again this week!

So last Sunday, I went to Pottery Barn Kids to look around and get some ideas. I found the following two sets on sale and couldn't decide between them so I bought them both. I think we're leaning towards the purple set....but we're still deciding.

Our bathroom is coming a long. Still slower then I would prefer, but I'm hoping by the end of next week, everything will be done. The goal is to finish the bathroom and move the spare bedroom furniture over to my in-laws so we can paint the nursery and get the baby furniture over by the end of July. We'll see if that comes together or not.

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July!

Love,
Susie

Recap of the Baby's Growth

Week 17 -- 5 inches and about the size of a large onion


Week 18 -- 5.5 inches and about the size of a large sweet potato

Week 19 -- 6 inches and about the size of a small zuchinni


Week 20 -- 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom, and about 10 inches from head to heel. No food comparison this week!

Updated Belly Pictures (W16 & W19)

You can't really tell the difference between sucking in and not sucking in, but I make an attempt!

Week 16 -- May 30, 2007

Hello BELLY BUTTON

1)Sucking In 2) Not Sucking In

Week 19 -- June 20, 2007

1) Sucking In 2) Not Sucking In

Best Day of Our Lives

I think today ranks number one for David and I. We were thrilled to find out this afternoon that all of the preliminary test results came back normal with zero indications of a chromosomal disorder or spinabifida. The amnio is 100% accurate.

When Dr. Jassani called, I was in a meeting and excused myself. I was terrified. She gave me the good news and then told me to schedule a follow-up ultrasound appointment in two weeks. They want to take additional measurements to see how the femur is doing. Last Wednesday, one of the indicators that the doctors were concerned about is that the femur bones were measuring two weeks behind the rest of the body measurements. With our amnio results, this is really nothing to worry about and might just indicate that our baby girl won't have super long legs, but doesn't mean she'll be super short either.

I immediately called David to tell him. He asked me if I was sure that I heard her correctly because she has a thick accent. I told him I was positive, but then proceeded to hang up with him and call the doctor back asking her to tell me one more time. Fortunately, she was still next to the phone and re-confirmed the good results.

From there, we called our families to share the good news. A few of my siblings had some expletives for Dr. Jassani since she freaked us out so badly. David and I are not mad. Just grateful for the confirmation today. I'm convinced that even if she was God telling us about our ultrasound last Wednesday, we would have still thought she was the Devil.

Now we're looking forward to an ultrasound that we can *hopefully* enjoy.

This was just the best day! I don't think we've stopped smiling!

Thank you to everyone who passed along your kind words, encouragement and prayers. We are so grateful for all of the support.

With Love,
Susie & David

Tomorrow is a Big Day

Not just for us. My Aunt is going to receive her first chemo treatment beginning at 1:30. Prior to that, she'll have some blood work done to make sure everything is a go. She'll have (4) cycles that are each three weeks long with every third Monday off. Please keep her in your thoughts tomorrow. It is the first day of many battles and I'm sure she is scared. I know I would be.

We've had a pretty good weekend. We watched a lot of movies. Thursday night we watched "You, Me and Dupree". Funny. Friday afternoon, we went and saw "Spiderman 3" and then Friday night we watched "Blood Diamonds".

We've also done a lot around the yard. David mulched the whole front yard while I watched. Today we planted some annuals in the front and yesterday we planted a vine thing that will grow up the light pole and bloom pink flowers. Hopefully next year it will come in nice and full.
We did a lot of putzing around the house too.

Yesterday we went to a restaurant on Harvard called Abuelo's. Yummy. I highly recommend it. They have the best mashed potatoes! I had a virgin frozen margarita and it was great. Probably not as good as David's real one, but as good as it's going to get for a while.

My mom came over last night and had us laughing. We told funny stories about pregnancy, grandparents, and all of our grand plans for "perfect" kids. Ha. That is so funny. We know we should "Never say never" but still, it's fun to sit on our high horses before the reality of kids hits.

Well, I'm off to watch the season finale of 'House' and then some shows on HBO...and indulge in some homemade strawberry shortcake.

Less then 24-hours.

Please keep us in your thoughts and our Aunt Rosie.

Love,
Susie

Family. Friends. And So Much Love

Wow. Wednesday was a tough day, but we were able to get through it. We talked to a couple of people Wednesday, mostly family and a few friends. The first person I wanted to talk to was one my best friends Gretchen. Gretch just went through all of this literally TWO WEEKS ago. On a side note of coincidences between Gretchen and me, and our lives and pregnancies, let me highlight the following.

• We were married one week apart in 2005. I actually had to miss her wedding because we were on our honeymoon.
• We are due the same week. Gretch is due with a boy November 15th. So far my date range is November 15th-21st. I am hoping our kids get married!
• We will both deliver at University Hospital. We're hoping to high five each other in the hallways.
• We just bought a Honda Pilot, and she and her husband are looking at them (we had no idea and found this out by running into each other at the dealership!)
• And finally, we both had to go through the Amnio process. I am hoping our results are the same. Gretchen received her final amnio results this week and everything is perfect. Thank God for that.

Gretchen was fabulous on Thursday. She helped calm me down a bit and knowing that she just went through everything was twice as comforting. She told me what to expect and how she felt, etc. She was also able to talk to David and answer some of his questions. She recommended doctors in case the Clinic couldn't get us in Thursday and offered to sit with us during the process.

Later Wednesday evening my cousin Janet hooked me up with a friend of hers, Maureen, who has been a mid-wife for 18+ years and is also skilled at Ultrasounds. Maureen was great! She answered my random questions, and gave me some good questions to ask. This was awesome! Not only did this help me tremendously, it allowed me to avoid Googling, which I highly recommend. Maureen also reminded me that the doctors we saw are considered "Level II" and that there sole purpose is to look for abnormalities. This is what they focus on because it is their specialty. So it is better to be safe then sorry. So far, I have done ZERO Googling and it has allowed me to keep my sanity. David Googled just a bit and went right to Wikepedia. The only thing he highlighted for me was how minimal our risks are based on age, family history, etc. This was reassuring.

Wednesday night, David and I crashed. I think both of us slept very well. I know I did because I had goofy dreams :) We got up around 7:00 AM so I could shower and make my phone calls at 8:00 AM. The Clinic told us to come in anytime after 9:00 AM. I just needed to have some paperwork faxed over from my regular doctor’s office.

Our families have been AWESOME. My Mom and Lori, and David's Mom met us at the Clinic for the appointment. Lori came back with us to be the note taker and an extra set of ears. Because we had some prepared questions, our doctor stopped and reviewed all of the statistics, benefits and risks of the amnio to ensure we knew what we were doing and what the risks were. Once we started the process again, David and I tucked our heads together to keep our eyes away from the needle (this is recommended by the doctor). David did awesome. You have to know that David has a strong sensitivity to needles and blood, and he was a champ. How can you not love someone so much who mouths “I love you” right before the doctor starts and is squeezing your hand?

Lori was great too! She gave us the play-by-play of what the baby was doing on the screen. Apparently she was air boxing. This helped the time go by and kept me laughing and smiling. The only thing I can relate the discomfort of the process to is donating blood.

I just have to say that our family and friends have been so caring. People have called to check on us, emailed, left voicemail or sent us text messages. All of them letting us know we were in their thoughts and prayers and sending positive thoughts. All have offered to do anything we could possibly need, talk to or listen to.

Our doctor yesterday was very positive and easy to talk to. A little friendlier then our doctor Wednesday night, but she had a bit of an accent and was a little brisk. I guess blunt is better. Plus, she just kept repeating things over and over again, and you can only handle so much. It doesn’t change that she’s considered one of the best though, and that is what is the most important.

We’re going with the positivity of the doctor yesterday and keeping that in our back pocket. The good thing about the amnio is that it is 100% accurate. No wishy washy percentages or second guessing. The doctor yesterday told us the odds were in our favor and that if we were betting people, he would put the odds on normal results. That the odds are 90-95% in our favor. That’s VERY good.

I know this is long. But this is for our benefit too, to write all of this out and share how we’re doing.

I didn't mention in my post on Wednesday that the only thing I was nervous about for our appointment on Wednesday was that I would be a little "exposed" infront of our Mom's. For some reason, this cracks me up. That the fear of them seeing me in a compromised position could have kept them from being there with us. What a difference that would have made in the day if I had elected not to invite them because of something so silly. As I said before, we are so grateful to have had them with us.

Thank you all again and please keep us in your thoughts over the weekend.

Hugs & Kisses,
Susie and David

PS. For inquiring minds.
Our Ultrasound Doctor on Wednesday was Dr. Jassani (Cleveland Clinic)
Our Amnio Doctor Thursday was Dr. Muise (Cleveland Clinic)
Our Quad Screen results were negative (ie. Normal)

Could have been a better day

Today could have been a much better day. Instead of getting into the details, I'd like to ask everyone to say a prayer for David, our baby girl, and me this weekend. During the ultrasound, the doctor identified an issue that will require us to have an amnio tomorrow.

Fortunately, for both David and I, we had invited our Mom's to join us. This was a Godsend in and of itself. Funny, as married adults becoming parents, the reassurance of our own parents presence was so calming and needed.

I'm not sure what time our test will be tomorrow. It will be at the Cleveland Clinic in Beachwood. I am to call at 8:00 AM to see how quickly they can get us. They told me they would fit us in because it will be considered an "emergency amnio".

We're obviously on an emotional roller coaster today and hope that this test is all for additional reassurance and that our baby is healthy.

On a very positive note, one of my best friends just went through this process for many of the same reasons, and her results came back perfect. We are hoping for the same.

Baby's Sex & Due Date Poll

Some of the kids gave me their preferred baby names too :)
I'll have to update this with dates from the Shafer's. I forgot to ask :)

If you have an opinion, make sure you add a comment before Wednesday, June 20th at 3:45PM. That's when we have our big ultrasound and find out what we're having!

GIRL

1. Jane Jolliffe -- Ruby -- Oct. 26th (also Leah's B-Day. Ruby is their dogs name)
2. Sarah Sherman -- Lily -- Nov. 5th
3. Janet Sherman -- Violet -- Nov. 11th
4. David -- Nov. 25th
5. Susie -- Nov. 19th
6. Noelle Nead
7. Joyce Shafer

BOY

1. Lori Jolliffe-- Oct. 31st
2. Natalie Sherman -- Colin -- Nov. 28th
3. Leah Jolliffe -- James -- Nov. 26th
4. Jack Jolliffe -- Bryce -- Oct. 20th (Does this sound familiar to any Cleveland Lebron fans?)
5. Francis Sherman -- Good Burper -- Nov. 16th (He also said Maximus. Goes well with Bryce)
6. Tasha Sherman -- Nov. 18th
7. Rick Sherman -- Nov. 11th
8. Kevin Sherman -- Nov. 15th
9. Jodi Nead
10. Grandma Shafer (everytime she sees me, she asks how her Grandson is :)
11. Don Shafer

17W6D

I'm grumpy today.

The only side effect of being pregnant that I've experienced is the increased need to PEE. Honestly, it is just silly. I get up at least three times a night.

Right now, David and his Dad are working on gutting the bathroom right by our bedroom. This is great because we'll have a new bathroom in a few weeks. This is bad because now I'll have to go downstairs in the middle of the night. Lovely. Considering other then the fact I pee a lot, this pregnancy has been a non-issue. Sometimes I forget I'm pregnant.

Lori gave me her Doppler a few weekends ago. This is quite fun to use. I get to hear the heartbeat on demand. Sometimes the little bugger moves around and in between heartbeats you can hear this "swoosh, swoosh". Sounds a little ET like. I didn't know that was the baby moving until the doctor pointed it out at our last appointment.

We find out next Wednesday (June 20th) what we're having. I'm really excited to find out now that I've given in. I'm nervous though too. Knowing the sex will make it real. The name game will be fun :) If we have a boy, we already have the name. If we have a girl, well, that will be a doozy to figure out. We definitely won't share our girls name when we do decide on one because facial expressions will just bug me. I totally know I'm guilty of this, so in order to avoid that, the girl name will be top secret.

The other day David and I were driving around and talking about girl names. He was teasing and said "Sasha". I don't dislike the name, but burst out laughing because I cannot say "Sasha Shafer" to save my life. It is like the "sh sh" back to back just ties my tongue and causes immediate heart distress. Try it. Ooh.. maybe we should go with "Sasha Sherman Shafer"

Did I mention that David and his Dad are both hammering away upstairs removing tile? ANNOYING. While I'm grateful they're doing it, OMG I did not think it would be so painful to listen too.

What else...Oh. Sometimes when David's driving and I fear for my life (I'm only half kidding) and I have minor heart attacks, I always wonder if the baby does too. I know this is dumb, but I've become that front seat passenger that everyone hates. I no longer gasp, but I flinch, and sometimes this is just as bad. It drives Dave nuts :) He'll just look at me and go "WHAT?!"

Have I made a list of how many friends/family of mine are pregnant? Lots! In order of due dates...
1. Dawn Thatcher -- July 19th
2. Kim Elgin (cousin) -- September 9th
3. Sarah Walden (friend) -- November 3rd (GIRL!)
4. Beth Arnold Colagrassi (cousin) -- November 15th
5. Gretchen Giannatti (friend) -- November 19ish (BOY!)

I feel like I'm missing someone?? I know it will come to me in the middle of the night on one of my treks to the basement bathroom.

OK. I'm going to look at Priceline.com right now. Dave and I are thinking of going to Niagara Falls this summer and I'm in charge of hotels :)

16W1D

So, I've gotten a bit lazy with the blog. My intentions have been good, but we've been obsessed with shopping for a new car! David got the itch to get rid of his Lincoln LS a few weeks ago and decided to post it on eBay. Low and behold, the car sold with two minutes of bidding to go and boom, we were instantly down to one car.

After looking at every friggin' SUV under the sun, and I mean we left no stone unturned, we decided on the Honda Pilot. It came down to the fact that all SUV's were going to end up having roughly the same monthly payment. The difference in price between used and new was just silly. So, we are going with the 2007 Honda EX-L. We're very excited! We finally have our evenings & weekends back. Car shopping is just stressful. Especially when you have no idea what you want. Honda is a solid reliable car, all the good consumer report stuff and the million airbags that David wanted. Apparently, he's not that confident in my driving skills :)

Hopefully, we'll be picking it up on Saturday. Don't get me wrong, I love our daily commutes to work together....but I prefer Q104 and my celebrity gossip while he enjoys 1100 AM radio and traffic updates (uh, we live 6-miles from work). We definitely have different styles.

Our next doctors appointment is Thursday, June 7th. Not sure what will happen there. Probably just get weighed and then schedule our BIG ultrasound. That should be mid-June. We'll find out what we're having. I know, not what I would prefer, but David just HAS to know. He would make me crazy for five months telling me it was one or the other everyday just to mess with me. No thanks to that.

Lori, Tasha and Jodi have been kind enough to give me FOUR crates of maternity clothes. This took approximately two weeks to sort, label, and wash. Now I have about two-weeks worth of ironing. I'll get it done at some point. I keep saying I'll do five a night. Hasn't happened yet. Tonight, I'm blogging and watching the Cav's instead. Most of the clothes should work out. Lori's cute pants really don't work for me because they're tapered. They're like a constant reminder that she has the skinny legs and I have the ultra hulky soccer tree trunks and "cankles" (giant calves that run into your ankles without any distinction).

We finally started telling people at work on Tuesday. That was fun. Two of the most frequent comments/questions so far.

1. "I can't wait to see how fat you get!". Yeah. That's nice. Go jump off a cliff jackass.

2. "Do you have a preference (boy/girl)?" Uh No. Healthy baby is the preference. And when I say that, they counter with "OK, well that's a given, but what do you really want?". Again, go jump off a cliff. Babies aren't mail order, we won't know what to do with either sex. We're newbies. Dumb ass.

Fortunately, I haven't put on much weight yet, which is a relief. My clothes don't fit that well n the waist, but I'm making do with a few pieces before I make the jump. When telling people I'm pregnant, they immediately give me the once over. I'm probably guilty of that too. But, I'm at the four month mark, so I feel pretty good about that. I've got to stop with the carbs. They will be the death of me. I just can't seem to stomach chicken or salad. Pizza, pasta and PB&J is preferred. We'll see how long that lasts. Hopefully I'll eventually only want healthy stuff (fat chance!).

Today I talked to my mom and we received more results regarding my Aunt Rosie. Unfortunately, her lung cancer was confirmed when the doctors tested fluid that had been drained from her lung last week (2.5 quarts). We were all hoping for better news. For some reason, if the results came back as breast cancer of the lung, that would have better?? In this case, my aunt has stage 3B Lung Cancer. This is not good. She's still having lots of tests run, and from what I know so far, we won't know what type of treatment plan is in her future until June 6th.

Please keep my Aunt, my uncle, my cousins and all the Siegwarth family in your prayers. My Aunt is a very strong person, but she will need all of the extra strength that she can beg, borrow and steal to get through this.

Well, I think that's enough for one day. Here are the pictures for weeks 15 & 16. No belly pictures. I'll start being less lazy.

Week 15 - No food comparison

Week 16 - Size of an avocado