Thinking of You with Love
We thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.
We think of you in silence, we often speak your name.
All we have are memories, and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake, with which we will never part.
God has you in His keeping, we have you in our hearts.
A million times we've wanted you.
A million times we've cried.
If love could only have saved you, you never would have died.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
But you didn`t go alone.
For a part of us went with you...the day God called you Home.

~Author Unknown

Dear Angela -

There are just no words to tell you how sad I feel or how much my heart hurts. This week has just been a blur of living in the past and living in today. Everyday, I have woken up and cried. Each night I have gone to bed sad. I think last night was the hardest. Danny was kicking and all over the place. It reminded me of last year on the night of July 15th when you were moving all over. That was the last time I felt you.

Today is our anniversary and tomorrow it will be a year that we said good-bye.

I keep pulling myself together and putting on my smile. I know I have so many blessings in my life. So many things to be thankful for and a healthy pregnancy. But you will always be my first and I miss you.

There are so many people that love you. Family and friends have sent cards and spoken kind words to let us know they are thinking about us, which is a reflection of their love for you. Your Aunt Kristy had a special rose at her wedding with an inscription of your name to let us know you were thought of with love and that you are missed.

I miss you everyday. I know I already said that, but it's all I can think about. I just keep thinking about these days last year and my heart hurts. I remember feeling at times last summer that I thought I might physically have a heart attack. That the pain in my chest was so sharp, the ball in my throat, the difficulty breathing. I would run with your Dad and it physically hurt to breath, but it was all I could do to keep from falling apart. He was so worried. That feeling is back, but I am managing it better. I know how much it hurts your dad to see me sad. And now I worry that my stress will affect your brother so I am sucking it up.

You must be sending him messages to keep me distracted because he is kicking like a maniac all of the time, and nothing makes me smile more. Thank you.

Please help me get through tonight and tomorrow.

I love you

One Month

In one month, it will be a year. A year. I'm not feeling good about the date. If this morning is any indication of how I will feel next month, well, that's not a good thing. The last 11-months have dragged by and flown by in tandem. I'm not sure how I'll be able to wrap my head around this.

Mother's Day was hard. Father's Day was hard. One year...I think my heart might just break all over again.

We are thinkng of something special to do. Something that is good and will help us feel less sad. Something for Angela.

Thank you Angela. I held on to you during our appointment today, and it really helped me. Dr. Muise said he is a perfectly healthy looking boy and that his measurements were right on. We know you had a hand in this.

We love you.

Dear Baby Girl,

I heard our song the other day on my way home from work. It made me smile. And then I felt a bit guilty. We are so excited and nervous for our appointment today. And I don't want you to think for one minute that we don't wish you were here. We do. Or that your brother will replace you, because he won't. We are hoping that he will bring us so much joy and happiness, and make us better people. We also hope that as he learns about you, and our love for you, he will grow to have love and compassion and be a better person for you.

I'm trying to be positive. I was thinking yesterday that God is teaching us about love and that I only wish it didn't hurt so badly. Unfortunately, love isn't always butterflies and rainbows. Sometimes love is the pain your heart feels when you miss someone so much. I think God gave us you to teach us how much love we have.

Please be with us today. I have our special necklace on, so I know you are close to my heart. Help me get over my nerves and bring me some calm. A good appointment would be the best birthday gift for your father we could ask for.

Look over Daniel, we need his big sister to be his special angel.

All Our Love...

Dear Angela -

You have been on my mind all day. From the moment I woke up today, I've been thinking about you. I was looking at your ultrasound picture today. My favorite one that I have framed with the rest of the family pictures, and I was wishing so badly that you were here.

I said to David this morning, how different our lives would be if you were here. And he agreed. We both miss you so much and we talk about you everyday. I know you've been with me lately, because I can feel you.

We are loving you so much....