Dear Angela -

There are just no words to tell you how sad I feel or how much my heart hurts. This week has just been a blur of living in the past and living in today. Everyday, I have woken up and cried. Each night I have gone to bed sad. I think last night was the hardest. Danny was kicking and all over the place. It reminded me of last year on the night of July 15th when you were moving all over. That was the last time I felt you.

Today is our anniversary and tomorrow it will be a year that we said good-bye.

I keep pulling myself together and putting on my smile. I know I have so many blessings in my life. So many things to be thankful for and a healthy pregnancy. But you will always be my first and I miss you.

There are so many people that love you. Family and friends have sent cards and spoken kind words to let us know they are thinking about us, which is a reflection of their love for you. Your Aunt Kristy had a special rose at her wedding with an inscription of your name to let us know you were thought of with love and that you are missed.

I miss you everyday. I know I already said that, but it's all I can think about. I just keep thinking about these days last year and my heart hurts. I remember feeling at times last summer that I thought I might physically have a heart attack. That the pain in my chest was so sharp, the ball in my throat, the difficulty breathing. I would run with your Dad and it physically hurt to breath, but it was all I could do to keep from falling apart. He was so worried. That feeling is back, but I am managing it better. I know how much it hurts your dad to see me sad. And now I worry that my stress will affect your brother so I am sucking it up.

You must be sending him messages to keep me distracted because he is kicking like a maniac all of the time, and nothing makes me smile more. Thank you.

Please help me get through tonight and tomorrow.

I love you